How to slowly move on when grieving
First of all, I am sorry if you have lost something or someone that you wished you’ve had forever. I have been dealing with immeasurable grief for some time now, you are not alone in this. I’m sorry if this grief feels like it might swallow you whole, and if you’re afraid time won’t heal your wounds. Impermanence can be such a scary thing, make everything seem so unstable, so unpredictable. Unfortunately, most things don’t last forever. But this sorrow won’t be all you’ll ever have, this loss and this feeling of absence won’t be a hole in you for the rest of your life. Something will be missing, indeed, but mourning won’t be all there is to your life, even if it seems it will be right now.
Everything is temporary, and so what looks like an all-consuming sorrow might not completely swallow your life if you recognize the small comforts and joys in life: a good book, talking to your friend, a funny movie, a cup of warm tea. Remember to make space for a little bit of joy, however it comes, so you don’t become too focused on grief. Yes, everything is temporary, and maybe grief is one of those things that stay with us, but as you keep going, you realize you can make space to feel this pain when it’s needed and also add little moments of happiness to your life.
You’re not betraying anyone for trying your best to keep going while facing so much pain.
Remember that this pain will lessen, even if it doesn’t fade completely, and it helps a lot if you allow yourself to feel everything, to cry, and to try to remember the good moments with whoever or whatever you have lost. Treasure the happy memories, make space for new ones. They will come. The passage of time takes things away from us and it can feel soul-crushing, but even if it feels unbearable to keep going when all you wanted was a quiet moment where the world didn’t move so fast, remember that the passage of time can also bring new happiness to you. Endings can become a new beginning, if you allow it to be. You don’t have to stop loving anyone or treasuring the memories from the past.
Life won’t ever be the same again after a deep loss, but this pain won’t stay the same forever either. You can add happiness to your own existence, even if it’s in different ways, even if it’s not the same happiness you’ve felt before your loss.
Open yourself up to new experiences, try to comfort and soothe yourself, to do things that bring you joy, and ask for help if you need it. Let change come, but don’t force yourself to rush into it. Everything is temporary: people, animals, our health, our homes, our relationships. But that doesn’t mean there will never be any happiness at all after suffering with loss. The feeling of loss and grief might last a long time. Happiness is fleeting. Joy is temporary. But so is this sharp sorrow you are feeling right now.
You are not as alone as you think you are, so please don’t self-isolate, don’t make a world all of your own in your grief, holding on to the pain as if it’s all there is. There are still ways for you to feel lighter again, so please, move forward (with as many baby steps as needed) to a new beginning, opening yourself up to new possibilities, to find small reasons to laugh again.
Remember: everything is not lost forever as long as you carry what you love in your heart. You keep those you have lost alive through your own memories. And maybe some things we lose can be found again when we lose our health and slowly recover it again. We carry a piece of everyone and everything we ever loved in us, so hold on to the sweetest memories instead of the most painful ones. Joy is always worth remembering, and as long as you treasure those memories, nothing can’t be lost forever.